I just wanted to say to anyone reading my user page this month... how cool it is to Reign Supreme in this orange-and-grey empire of filth, frivolity, friends and family (hmm... who can help me out with another F-word here?). I'm honored and only wish I could have (finally) attended Comic Con this year to shake some hands.

I promise I will do everything in my power to go next year & bring a shitload of free DVDs... but that means I'll need to reserve a hotel room RIGHT NOW because those bitches fill up fast. They probably already have, actually.

But I'm getting off-track.

My Portal Kingship is, frankly, undeserved, because it's only been the weekly uploads of my old Sci-Fi Guys toons, and a tepidly-received RAB game, that allowed me to upload 5 higher-than-average-rated files in one month. So I salute all the submitters that actually created a multiple amount of *brand new* stuff this month that also got high ratings... all the Portal Princes and Princesses and Dukes and Knights and, uh, Rooks... shit, I ran out of titles. Drunk again, sorry.

But I definitely am very happy. These Sci-Fi Guys films were, after all, my first! And 2000-2001, when I made them, was such a long, long time ago. Some of you were still shitting your sheets back then... and the standards for quality have gotten increasingly intimidating ever since. To have successfully competed on this level with an old product strokes me big time.

And in all seriousness, I plan on using all this prestige to get laid every single day. Oh come on, like you wouldn't. It's either that or just write drunken, rambling posts on Newgrounds and go shit my sheets for old times sake.

--Dave

Flip around in the ByteSize Player today & you'll finally understand the end of book six of Harry Potter with a new 20-second film... featuring the Retarded Animal Babies! It's just a little nugget... very fun to work on... I really like tiny projects like this & want to do more if I can!

Tom also put together a brand new COLLECTION PAGE for Sci-Fi Guys today. Thanks Tom!

Today's upload of the tenth and second-to-last installment of Sci-Fi Guys is definitely the most brazen one. It's nothing compared to Retarded Animal Babies as far as nudity (it's kind of hard to top a "death by titfuck" scene, after all), but it's sort of the missing link between my more family-friendly shit and my cum-guzzling dickfests that RAB tend to be.

A lot of people are asking me if I intend on watering down RAB to make it more sellable. In other words, do I plan on selling out? The short answer is NO. The easiest reason I can't and won't sell out regarding the content of RAB is that I may not even have TIME to make a RAB film more than once per year the rate I'm going (although I still have no intention of quitting the series), so the graphic language and nudity and drug use and kitten-raping and nun-fucking would be done almost as a celebration of the fact that I'm finally getting to make a RAB film! I'm so happy when I have a chance to make one, I just want to fill it up with every last drop of brain semen I can muster.

But the biggest reason is because RAB lets me get this sort of boobie bullshit out of my system while keeping me out of trouble.

RAB has been, and always shall be, my own personal artistic smut siphon. An outlet to pour all my evil thoughts into an animation, so I wouldn't ever feeled compelled to put career-damaging subliminal messages into other works I make for paying clients from time to time. Imagine what Weird Al would have had done to me, if he ever found an Easter Egg in the Virus Alert video which turns him into a vagina monster or something. RAB gets that shit right out of my system (the vagina monster, for example, can be seen in RAB16 on the DVD), leaving everything else in my life safe and secure.

You need an outlet, boys and girls. Get that depravity out of your brain in harmless ways. If you're lucky enough to have a sex partner willing to help you out there someday, fantastic then. If you can draw a straight line and want to dump your load into a cartoon like I do, I would certainly understand that too. Just get it out of your system before you're in your fifties & you're a crazy fucking pervert flashing your withered, graying junk at people in the subway.

--Dave

With the upload of the Sci-Fi Guys episodes (created in 2001 and 2002) just about complete, and their collection page in the works, a few dozen or so of you are probably wondering if I'll be submitting Retarded Animal Babies 19 to the Portal any time soon. The answer depends heavily on whether you can accept the definition of "soon" in the context of a galactic scale. I've got a couple decent ideas and at least one completed script, but the next couple months are looking just a bit too tight.

I do have a little RAB game in development as I write this, and it should be up and running within days.

More good news (for me anyway) is that I'm working on a secret TV pilot project which could turn into something very huge. It's not based on any of my own ideas or characters, but I am animating the whole damned thing. The really awful news is that I'll be squandering precious vacation time to work on it. I should really, really be spending it on a beach somewhere in an effort to keep myself from jumping in front of a moving train. I haven't had a vacation in five years, and could very easily punch a baby these days.

In the middle of all this, I'm being forced to relocate now too! I'll be needing to find a place in CT by the middle of August, and move all my crap there. This will be my tenth move in about as many years, and I really ain't happy about it. Wouldn't just be a hoot if the TV thing exploded and I had to move (yet again) another week or two later to LA? Yah. Tee to the Hee.

--Dave