Score: 10

"Why 10? Because I'm a fucking egomaniac!"

submission: Retarded Animal BabiesCE1

date: January 8, 2004

Hey, thanks for the stroke. It's great knowing people are spending their whole day working on something just to honor ME!

I ate Rice Krispies for breakfast today! Why do I deserve such honor???

And why did Pico shoot the hamster? Who's this tribute for, anyway? The hamster could SO take Pico. He are monk, for Chrissakes

Score: 10

"I laughed like a hyena"

submission: Patriot Pig Number 1

date: January 8, 2004

From the master Flash animator who brought us Bulbo for Hotwired + MondoMedia, Queer Duck for Shotime, and Hard Drinkin' Lincoln for Icebox and MTV, comes a masterful return to internet animating, and also, finally, to Newgrounds!

Anyone who doesn't laugh at these cartoons has one big pole up their keester. The timing is outrageous, the caricatures are spot-on Hollywood and over-the top, and there's even a little spoonfed and spoofed political awareness that even a 12-year-old can pick up on.

Keep 'em coming Xeth, and continue to school everyone with your six years of Flash animating experience. These toons are a slap in the face to most of those who would call themselves a professional animator.

Score: 8

"Hooray!"

submission: Samurai - Explosivo

date: December 22, 2003

Rokken. Have a 4. Great timing, great video for "The D." Hopefully Jack Himself will see it and invite you personally to his Luxury Palace of, uh...Luxury!

And broads!

Score: 10

"Awesome"

submission: UF-OH SHIT

date: October 14, 2003

Dave Ensign is really the only one on Newgrounds with any real commercial potential. Fuck you, you know I'm right. And we can all say we knew him when. Can't wait to shell out shiny nickels for tasty Ensign products. Dave Ensign is my liege Lord.

Score: 6

"Shape up, 5-voters"

submission: The Battlefield III

date: August 27, 2003

Christ almighty...I'm gone for two or three weeks, and just look at the condition of this portal. What the hell happened in here? This hotel's been overbooked by a visiting suck convention! I mean, where's poor ol' Johnny Rocketfingers? How'd this thing beat him out so soundly? 90% of the top ten of all time are straight from the big, reddish-brown duodenum of Beelzebub.

That said, there were funny parts of this film, and it deserves a score snugly in the high-3's (still an A+), but it having been #1 of all time, even if briefly, reflects a shit-ass tendency of late on NG.

/$0.02

Score: 7

"Lots, and LOTS of work."

submission: The Return of Ganondorf

date: June 20, 2003

Great effort. You worked your ass off on this. My ten-year-old kid says it was a "disgrace to Zelda," in her own words. But you definitely have potential.

Score: 9

"Great writing"

submission: The Guy Inside My Head

date: June 11, 2003

Very funny writing. The droning, monotonous voice got a bit grating, but it's SUPPOSED to be grating. I get it. Good indie art style. Neat backgrounds.

Score: 5

"Very pretty. That's it, tho."

submission: Arrogancy: Episode One

date: June 8, 2003

I'm going to call this the exact opposite of the last thing I reviewed....that "Parachute" thing. Excellent, top shelf art, but with humdrum spirit and pretty darn unoriginal. More on that later.

You responded to a reviewer today who sort of vaguely labeled this as "dull" work, by separating yourself from "the kids on this site" and saying you were encouraged by them pissing on your head. Well, I'm a 33-year-old fartbag, and for once I'm agreeing with the li'l squirts. But for a different reason other than something like "there's not enuff rat puke, u suk lol."

I'm just sick of people trying to emulate the anime style. This will never make Cartoon Network...are you kidding? You want to draw this stuff for a living? Get the hell out of Detroit and move East about 10,000 miles, consarnit! :o)

Unrelated to this, you're definitely not a voice talent and the narration robbed 99% of the mood you so excellently rendered (I won't deny that for amateur anime, it smoked)...go to some kind of sci-fi convention with a minidisc and record some has-been actor who'd be more than happy to have NG exposure in exchange for a handshake. Or just use subtitling (consequently reducing file size). The only actual empirical dullness (since I'll admit my opinion of the style is subjective)came from your unfortunate delivery of that monologue. Your writing is prefectly fine....it was just...raped.

You're well down the path of your chosen style of wanna-be-anime, and shifting gears now probably seems, well....a shit-ass concept. But nevertheless I want to support your trying something truly unique and original...instead of riding the damn anime bandwagon. You're no different from the squirts if you really think it's going to be the vehicle that lands you your fortune.

You're still a young guy. As I already rambled, I'm about ten years older, but have changed styles about a dozen times since high school(still trying to find one that doesn't totally suck ass!!!). It's an impossible thing to do each time, but it can be done. At least if you did it, some good will actually come of it! You might be surprised. :o)

Be different! You are an AWESOME artist! You can do ANYTHING! Am I just a jealous jackass? You betcha! But my point stands. Take it or leave it. Good luck, sir!

Score: 7

"My first Flashes didn't look like this, either."

submission: Parachute!

date: June 8, 2003

Thanks be to God, or I would've quit.

Ah, I'm just kidding. This was great. Very funny. You can't draw worth dick, but you sure are animating these shitty drawings more fluidly than everyone else. You're really, really trying, and that's rare.

Excellent editing to the music. Comic genius. Unusual ideas. Not for the squeamish. My ass itches.

Score: 7

"Erectutational!"

submission: The ABC song *@!#

date: May 13, 2003

I oughtta do something with the alphabet one of these days. With tits. Nice thinkin' there!