Score: 10

"10+"

submission: Tom's Easter orgy

date: March 26, 2008

That kicked absolute ass. Kudos to YOU... great character faces & smooth animating. Humorous shock value aplenty. Wobbity wobbity brain kaplooey.... --Dave

Score: 5

"Ending ideas for YOU!"

submission: Blueberry

date: July 2, 2007

Just take an hour or two to make an ending, and update your .swf in the submission. Possible ideas:

1) Pie is cooked... fade out on pie. Everyone loves pie.
2) Oven explodes & cafe burns to the ground.
3) Truck crashes through window of cafe before pie finishes.
4) Pie transforms into giant robot
5) Pie is served to starving children... everyone's holding hands & it's a fucking Benetton ad from the late -'80s
6) Pie gets thrown in cameras face for a nice SPLAT! ending
7) Jason Schwartzman has sex with pie - obviously
8) Pie is eaten by some lady. It's crapped out & eventually fertilizes new blueberry trees. It's the goddamned circle of life, Simba
9) Blueberries weren't blueberries; they were poisonous unripened nightshade berries and everybody in the diner dies.
10) The blueberries are all little Earths and George W. Bush is the baker. He eats the pie and shits out a fountain of crude oil afterwards. OK, so this one might take more like three hours to animate...

Anyway, good art style.

Score: 10

"LAFFTASTIC"

submission: Bloody Cat Ep. 14-17

date: June 12, 2007

Great voices, timing, & sense of humor. I laughed throughout. I firmly believe in the power of 10-second entertainment!! Way to go... this should've gotten a portal award. A+++

Score: 10

"Proud to earn this "protection point.""

submission: PAPU's Smashing Holiday

date: December 24, 2006

Proud to support Xeth for another submission on Newgrounds. Maybe now that you've dusted off Papü for another installment, maybe we can see a new Bulbo animation again sometime soon! Happy Hannukah, Feinberg. You're the Feinbergiest...

Score: 8

"Speed 'er upps"

submission: HAMU

date: April 10, 2006

I like Breakout & Arkanoid (Tetris is still my favorite) and am always happy to see new takes on 'em. I'm guessing the slow speed is because of all the crazy-ass extra animations. They are definitely trippy and add to the vibe, and it'd be a shame to lose them...but maybe cutting back just a little will speed things up? It should be manic like Arkanoid. I crapped my Toughskins every time back when I played that game on the cocktail arcade table at Pizza Hut in the '80s.

Hope you don't get discouraged or nuthin' with these "too slow" reviews. Great bit of programming going on, I like your originality with fonts, and the colors & music are great. I hope you're doing this for a living and making serious bank someday soon. As for first/second/third place... if that's your only motivation, well then... I would like to slap you in the face with a large fish.

Now update this game so I can gleefully waste all day playing it! I'll even Paypal you five bucks if you do. How can anyone say no to five bucks.

Six bucks?

Score: 6

"Great song!"

submission: The Ultimate Showdown

date: January 13, 2006

Kudos to Trapezoid for the catchy, fun song.

Otherwise...fartistically tepid. A is for effort though. For homegrown fare it's well above average. But what the fuck do I know, it's the most popular thing here. Clearly I need to re-assess my standards and watch the whole thing again.

Or just take a mayonnaise bath. Which would the rational person do?

Score: 10

"The Best."

submission: Sesame Street Unleashed

date: October 20, 2005

I have seen a lot of crap, but this is the best crap I've ever seen. Insanely funny...very good timing. Very good job, you sick little muppet, you. A+, 5, 10!

Score: 5

"Tip"

submission: The Four Seasons

date: May 5, 2005

When fading to and from white, tween a white rectangle (alpha) over the entire image instead of tweening all the individual symbols. This will keep the "ghosting effect" from happening.

Score: 9

"TEH"

submission: Evil Josh & Billy: Ep. 03

date: March 15, 2005

Nice!!!!

Very good comedic timing. Overall kinda dippy but hey, I laughed a lot so WTF. YOU WIN!

Score: 4

"BAH."

submission: The Wrong Vagina

date: February 28, 2004

The nerve! The opulence!

Forcing me to sit slack-jawed through this ten-minute marble-mouthed blitzkrieg of blithering bilge! Not a chuckle! Nary a titter! Well, perhaps a bit of chortling, then, at least? NAY!!

Dirty, wish-I-was-Japanese style once again makes a spectacle of the latest craze towards mainstream teenage corner-cutting. I'd say it was a waste of time, but shit man, what else did these stunted, unfortunate crackers have to do this afternoon?

(insert more meaningless, pointlessly personal attacks here)

How did this toon get so popular? Simple...they stuck the word "vagina" in the title. Anyone who sinks so low as to arbitrarily stick an obviously offensive word in the title of their online Flash toons to get more attention deserves a hearty mouthful of strenuously used cat litter.

Signed, the creator of "Retarded Animal Babies."

--Dave

P.S. Just kidding. Way to go, milksuckers!